For the sake of humanity we all need to (re)learn how to listen.
In our distracted, overstimulated states in a world that is changing at a speed we haven’t experienced before, it’s becoming harder and harder to listen. And I mean truly listen – to ourselves, others and the environments around us. As I read Ted Gioia’s profound take on the state of today’s culture, it spurred me to write about what I believe to be a core priority for humans everywhere for the sake of our collective wellbeing. And that is to practice holistic listening.
To me holistic listening is a state of mind – a mindset you choose to be in that places your undivided attention on someone or something. When you listen holistically, you don’t just hear the words or sounds around you, you experience the full symphony being played out, you see the whole picture being painted. You have this experience by engaging not just with your head but also with your heart and gut. Not just with your mind but with your body and spirit. You are listening with all our centres and intelligences in unison.
I have the pleasure of listening like this everyday because my job demands it. As a Conscious Leadership Coach I could never create the kind of space and support my clients in their growth and transformations in the way that I do if I didn’t have the ability to listen holistically. I believe it is the key foundational skill I have to do the kind of work that I do.
When we listen holistically to ourselves, others and the world around us, it leads to greater understanding and less conflict, it creates more empathy and bonds, it enriches the experience of our daily lives, it helps us heal and grow, and it allows us to lead more effectively to achieve common goals.
But I don’t think I need to make the case for why listening in this way is important. Or do I?
Have we forgotten:
- How powerful it is to give someone our full attention?
- How transformative it is to make people feel seen and heard?
- How incredible it is to feel that feeling of actual connection with another human being, mother nature, or ourselves?
- How healing it is to be enriched by the natural world and culture around us?
- How activating it is to be able to influence, inspire and lead ourselves and other people towards a common goal?
Somedays I do think we have forgotten. We are in an age of dopamine hits, addiction and commercialised wellness and it seems to me we have to work harder and harder to be present, centred and engaged with the real world and the real people around us.
Instead of going into all of the technical details like I usually would on how to manage your mental state, how to regulate your emotions, how to be empathetic, how to have presence, and how to communicate effectively, I have decided to outline a few simpler rules of engagement. Yes they are obvious and that’s the point. This isn’t rocket science, this is about having easy access to a simple process that allows you to make holistic listening a habitual skill. And for the sake of humanity I hope you do.
Holistic Listening: Rules of Engagement
- Set the intention
- Tell yourself you are about to engage in holistic listening. Like a conductor giving her orchestra the sign they are about to start playing.
- Drown yourself out
- Stop focusing on you, focus on the experience. As distracting thoughts and feelings come up, push them aside and tell yourself you can come back to them later.
- Care and be curious
- This person or experience deserves your attention. Be that person who shows they care. Remind yourself how much more interesting life is when you are curious. Hold eye contact, put your phone away, ask questions.
- Bare witness and engage your senses
- Witness the story being told through language. The words, the tone, the intonation of speech.
- Witness the expression of emotion – the facial expressions, the body language, the pauses.
- Witness the deeper message – that which is not being said but is loud and clear to your intuition.
- Trust the process
- Don’t think about how to respond while listening, trust you will know what to say or what to do when the time comes.